Decisions

How long can we conceivably keep doing this?

I was hoping until I left for school.

That's like three months away! That's practically a relationship.

No it isn't.

Are you sure?

Yes.

All right, we'll see.

These days, when I'm not sleeping with my favorite ex-boyfriend, I'm debating whether or not I should be doing so. On the pro side; we find each other endlessly amusing, we never had any problems in the sex department, and he's moving across the country soon. No muss, no fuss. On the con side; it feels like cheating. Not cheating on a specific person or persons, mind you. Cheating on myself.

When the ex (recent, not favorite) and I broke up, I was pretty annihilated. Things Necessary For a Happy Life, like self-esteem, self-preservation, self-this and self-that were all shot. I've spent a whole lot of time trying to remember what my pre-horribly-destructive-relationship self was like, and trying to fill those shoes again.

Then I spend a night with Favorite Ex. He tells me I'm smart, beautiful, funny, sexy, etc. etc. etc. The more he says it, the more I think, "damn right!" And that's the way I want to feel -- I just want to see it through my eyes, not his. Hence, the cheating part.

Luckily, I have friends with the capacity to justify anything. I'll be blathering on and on about whether or not I should just quit it and one of them with say something wise like, Fuck that! You deserve to feel good for awhile after the bullshit [the ex] put you through!

Fuck that, indeed.