Julie never learned to share in kindergarten

Julie: I haven't hated all of your boyfriends.

Me: Name one you've liked.

[Silence]

Julie: Oh! I liked A.

Me: Doesn't count. He wasn't a boyfriend.

Julie: Well, you know I hated B.

Me: I know.

Julie: He was totally cheating on you.

Me: Julie, of all the shitty things he did, cheating on me was not one of them.

Julie: Oh my God. It's so obvious.

Me: What about C?

Julie: Oh, I liked C just fine.

Julie: Although, he was way too young for you. I didn't like that.

Me: And D?

Julie: He was such a jerk.

Me: He was not a jerk -- he was a college freshman. He's a priest now, for God's sake.

Julie: Well, I liked E just fine.

Me: Oh my God you did not! You complained to Mrs. F about him all the time. She told me.

Julie: Oh, well that was because he didn't help you move.

Me: You hated him before that.

Julie: Oh right, because he had all of those stupid rules.

Julie: Oh, and the cop. Hated the cop.

Me: Not a boyfriend. What about G?

Julie: No, I didn't like him. He was really weird.

Me: So you can't name one boyfriend you've liked then?

Julie: No, you must have really bad taste in guys.

Me: Yeah, Julie, that must be it.