Bill O'Reilly, why won't you love me (sung to the tune of David Ducovny by Bree Sharp)

I recently got a fancy new cell phone, a teeny-tiny silver Motorola. Most exciting about this phone is the Get it Now! feature, which allows me to browse through hundreds of ringtones and download them to my phone. Yes, I'm a geek.

So far, I've downloaded the Buffy the Vampire Slayer theme song (which The Pie also has on her téléphone français) and Cannonball by the Breeders.

I got bored on my long, long bus ride up to Saratoga Springs and decided to look for something new. After getting incredibly excited about the Law & Order ringtone, I noticed a new category: Fox News. Fox News ringtones? I had to investigate.

It was just as I'd feared. The Fox News Channel theme, Fox Report theme, Hannity and Colmes theme, On the Record theme and last but not least, The O'Reilly Factor theme. Just for the record, there is no CNN category, no MSNBC category and no CSPAN category. Not even an ESPN. There are some shady dealings (and possibly devil pacts) going on over at Verizon Wireless, apparently.