Imminent mid-life crisis, apparently

Since we're pushing 30, Azee and I decided it might be a good idea to go to a lecture last night called, Overcoming the Midlife Crisis at 30. You know, just in case.

The lecture, which was actually more of a moderated discussion, was given by Lia Macko and Kerry Rubin, authors of Midlife Crisis at 30: How the Stakes Have Changed for a New Generation -- And What to Do about It, which I'm going to buy as soon as I finish entertaining the likes of y'all.

The premise is this. The women of our generation grew up with two major factors influencing our lives: 1) lots of options and very little guidance and 2) divorce. The former gave us a sense of entitlement, the belief that we could, and should, have it all. The latter left us needing something the authors call "divorce insurance."

Basically, we all grew up with divorce. If it didn't affect us personally, it affected our families or our friends. We grew up believing, rightly so, that marriage wasn't always a forever thing. We saw single mothers who had never worked in their lives obliterated by divorce. Hell, I saw my own mother sacrifice her entire life just to raise me after getting divorced. In fact, I'm quite certain that's why I feel like having children is a personal sacrifice I could never, ever make.

So anyway, divorce insurance. We grew up wanting to make sure we could support ourselves and make sure we had a firm grasp on our own identities. The order shifted from getting married, having kids then having a career to having a career, getting married and finally, having kids. The problem? A career is something that takes a lifetime, and the ability to have children is limited by biology.

So now what you have is a gaggle of single 30-somethings that don't have the career they wanted, that were led to believe they would have it by a now mostly defunct economic boom, that are in a state of sheer panic and feel they're running out of time, but still don't know what we want to do. Betty Friedan might take issue with the comparison, but I'd say it's The Feminine Mystique of our generation.

After the lecture, Azee and I were practically bursting with things we wanted to say. We compared notes very loudly and excitedly until we parted ways at the 14th St. L-Train. Turns out we've both been experiencing our mid-life crisis a little early, and had no idea.