Hypochondria squared

Take off your shirt and bra, he said. Someone will be in to get you for the chest xray.

I decided then that I clearly have lung cancer. That all of those lung cancer promos for The Division were really God's way of telling me I had lung cancer. That was why the doctor said Hmmm when he listened to my lungs. That's why he wanted a chest x-ray. No one's ever made me get a chest x-ray before.

So I got used to the idea while I waited. Planned out what kind of wigs and headscarves I'd buy. Made a list of people to call and say I love you to, just in case. Standard hypochondria behavior.

Got the chest x-ray, and then went back to the sterile little room for more waiting. Decided I'd find a support group. Write a will. Give back to the community. Nurse comes in and makes me breathe as hard as possible into some doohickey. Tells me my breath is too short. I'm about to pass out from the pain in my chest. More waiting.

Well, your lungs are fine, he says. You have an upper respiratory infection. Here's a prescription for an antibiotic. Take one a day for 10 days.

Mom, a nurse by profession, this morning: They do a chest x-ray to see if you have pneumonia, you nut.