Driving Zach crazy

I have this little game I like to play with my friend Zach. I send him one line emails like "I'm moving to Australia" or "I'm going to shave my head" or "I'm in looooove". He writes back these frantic, inquisitive emails like "What?! Did something happen? Are you okay? Why would you do something like that? What's with the one line emails?" I giggle maniacally and write back more ambiguous one-liners. Because I'm evil.

I was going through old emails yesterday and found an old I want-to-write-for-the-Onion article I sent Zach, about three years ago. Now I'm going to share it with you. I changed his last name, so don't try to stalk him.

Area Man Totally Thinks Area Woman is Funny
NEW YORK, NY -- Despite his lame attempts to prove otherwise, area man Zach Smith totally thinks his friend Jessica is funny.

Smith's initial claim of Jessica's unfunniness, which took place over MSN Messenger late Tuesday afternoon, was met with opposition from the unquestionably hilarious Jessica.

"Whatever", Jessica said to the lying Smith. "You totally think I'm a riot".

Smith's very real, very wrong insistance that Jessica is not funny, resurfaced on Wednesday when Jessica worried about her upcoming date with "Joey the hip-hop writer guy".

"I told Zach that I was worried I wouldn't be as charming face-to-face as I was on the phone and over email.", said the obviously wounded Jessica. "He said, 'you're not."

Jessica followed with "I was charming enough to get your ass into bed."

"LMAO" was Smith's response. "LMAO" is Instant Messenger speak for "Laughing my ass off". It is a widely held belief that people "laugh their asses off" when they find something funny.

At the present time, it is not known whether it was Jessica's wit and charm or her thong underwear that got Smith into bed.

Upon reading this account, Smith exploded into laughter, further proving Jessica's assertion that he totally thinks she's funny.