Oxycodone, Percoset, Xanax, oh my!

I've been getting an extraordinary amount of "buy prescription drug" spam in all four of my AOL accounts. I'm not sure if one can actually purchase drugs this way, and I'm a little afraid to find out. You see, I adore painkillers. I'm not a junkie or anything -- if a Percoset or Vicodin happens to come my way -- then so be it. I haven't yet escalated to the ranks of beating up old ladies to steal their prescriptions. The former roommate, Vile Eric, dated a nurse and left me little presents here and there. His painkiller supply was his only redeeming quality, now that I think of it. So the current roommate and I were just discussing what life would be like if we really could have a steady neverending supply of painkillers.

First of all, I would stick with Codeine, Valium and Percoset. I would be a complete and total junkie. I would crush pills and sprinkle them on my morning cereal. And in my coffee. I would sit in my chair and drool. I would pet the cats idly while my mind wandered to faraway lands with flowing garments and Enya playing ever-so-softly in the background. I would not worry about money. I would not work. I probably would not even shower but I would buy a tiara and wear it always.

Ah well, one can always dream.