Don't just sit there with egg on your face

A list of food accidents and difficulties I have had today:
1. Spilled coffee on my dress during company meeting.
2. Spilled same cup of coffee on my desk.
3. Dropped bagel on dress butter-side down.
4. Dropped large piece of broccoli into pasta with a lot of sauce, thereby splattering sauce on my keyboard and my person.
5. Broke fork in said broccoli, unbeknownst to me, attempted to shove it in my mouth and stabbed myself.

It's only 1:45, people. It's only downhill from here.