An open letter to Liz Phair
Dear Liz Phair,
I've spent a lot of time over the past few months trying to figure you out. More time, in fact, than I've spent trying to figure out all of my jerky ex-boyfriends. Together. I've wondered if the record label made you do the popstar thing. Or if you thought it would be funny and do not understand now how the irony is lost on everyone. Or, and this is the one I'm having the most trouble with, you actually think the songs on the new album are good.
Now, I can't see how this could be the case, although last night at Roseland, it became obvious that there are people who do actually like the songs. The show went a little something like this. You started with 6'1", an excellent choice. Half of the crowd sang, dance and breathed a collective sigh of relief. The rest looked confused. Same with Polyester Bride, which came right after. I got my hopes up, until I heard the familiar intro of Rock me, a new tune with no soul. The other half of the crowd sprang to life. I sulked. In your defense, Extraordinary is actually a good song live, without the overproduced bullshit behind it.
I bet you didn't know this, Liz, but Layna and I discovered it last night. You can actually sing the song Complicated by Avril Lavigne over the tune for your own Why Can't I? In fact, it's the only thing that got us through the song. Thank you for doing Fuck and Run, The Divorce Song and Supernova. They made me remember why I loved you in the first place.
All in all, your show was mostly enjoyable. And you look absolutely fantastic. Must be all that Hot White Cum. And if you ever let a crowd half-composed of loud kids and half-composed of loyal, devoted fans decide whether you should close with H.W.C. or Flower again, I will burn your albums, even Exile, in effigy.
Sincerely,
Jessica
Fan since '93
P.S. Favorite, the song with the utterly profound chorus Baby I know what you're like/You're like my favorite underwear is seriously the most embarrassing thing ever committed to music. Cringeworthy, really. Even worse than Give me your hot white cum, which just screams I'M TRYING TOO HARD.
