And to think, this isn't the first time

I got locked IN my apartment last night.

That's right, IN. Layna left to shake her booty, casually mentioning on her way out that the door seemed loose and we should call the super soon. Not five minutes after, I decided to go out for food, and couldn't get out.

Now, I know what to do when you lock yourself OUT. You call a locksmith. But when you lock yourself IN? I wasn't sure. I paged my super. I waited. I smoked a few cigarettes, watched a little Law & Order. Paged him again. Watched another episode of Law & Order. Then I started to panic. Third page had a 911 at the end. Super calls me back within 30 seconds (guess that's the only way to get him to call). Super takes doorknob apart and puts it back together.

Now, the automatic door lock no longer works. When leaving, auto door lock must be manually switched on, as locking the door from the outside is now an impossibility. When re-entering the apartment, you must manually unlatch the auto lock. Should you fail to do so, you will be locked inside, your only hope of escape a butter knife. Super leaves, telling me to call if I have any more problems. Apparently, his work here is done.

Now, this isn't something you'd imagine could happen to a person more than once. Senior year in college, after studying for mid-terms for 12 straight hours, Michelle decided to go out for coffee. She couldn't get out. No one could get out. We called the landlord at 3:00am and he asked if the door was locked. Yes, Larry. We're a bunch of dumbasses. He wanted to come in the morning, but we explained that "couldn't leave the house" is not a convincing excuse for missing a mid-term exam. So he came, and gave us our freedom.

I could get into a metaphor for being trapped in my own personal hell here, but I don't want to bring anybody down.

P.S. Also on the list of things that shouldn't happen to a person more than once in a lifetime - getting puked ON New Year's Eve. That's right folks - happened to me twice. Thank you Marina and Kristopher for that little bit of holiday joy.