Girls gone wild!

Dear Porn Spammers,

I like porn just as much as the next gal. I like to be entertained and aroused. In fact, I watch a great deal of porn on Channel 35, and I keep up with the latest porn stars' activities on The Howard Stern Show. However, I have a major complaint, that being, you're assuming an awful lot.

I might dig a little girl-on-girl action every now and then. Porn aside, Bound is a big favorite of mine. You, porn spammer, do not know this about me. You think I'd be happier seeing XXX barely legal teens sucking a horse's cock. (Your words, not mine) And I don't really think this highly specialized fetish is appropriate for my inbox. Bestiality? Not an assumption one can make. While we're on the topic, hot 'n horny girls getting the canine injection is also not my bag. Neither is a girl riding, and I mean really riding, a rhino. I get it. Big animal cocks. Hot little girls. Just because I get the point doesn't mean I want to look at it. And furthermore, ewwwww!

Now, I briefly mentioned "barely legal". I am not interested in seeing this, nor am I interested in anything illegal. Another big assumption. Not that you know my profile, but I'm a 28-year old unemployed female writer. Steady boyfriend, normal sex life. That would make me NOT A PEDOPHILE and therefore NOT INTERESTED in little girls doing the nasty. Even if they're really 36.

Now, the boy-on-boy action is another story. While watching Anthony Kiedis and Dave Navarro make out tickled my fancy somewhat, seeing HOT STUDS taking it up the butt! is not really that interesting to me. Bend over Boyfriend had its moments, but porn spammers, you know there's a big difference between girls with strap ons and full-on gay porn. I don't want to see the pizza guy bent over the kitchen table, I don't want to see a cop loving the big stick up his ass and I definitely don't want to see a five-person XXX male orgy.

I hope you've learned something from this, porn spammers. If you want to get my attention, send me emails with more mainstream porn. And thank you to the spammers who sent me "Britney gets FUCKED!", "Hot anal sex!" and "Lovely lesbians getting it on!". I enjoyed them very much.

Sincerely,
Jessica

P.S. I will never open an email that lets me in on the big secret of how to add four inches to my cock. I do not have one, nor do I plan on having one any time in the near future. So quit it.